Being the youngest of three, I’ve lived most of my life learning from my brother and sister’s failures and successes in hopes that I’d make fewer failures and more successes; but with that it’s been a constant comparison, on my end anyways, between my life and theirs that I didn’t think was affecting my life…but it has. The greatest comparison that I’ve been making (and that others keep pointing out) has been relationships.
It’s no secret that I’m 21, closing in at 22, and at this point in both of my siblings lives they were either dating closing in on engagement or “knew” who they were going to marry and in a relationship leading towards marriage…and at this age I am nowhere near that. More times than I’d like to admit, I’d get frustrated at myself but more so at the situation that realistically I had no control over. I’d mull over the dumb things like “If only that guy acted differently or would change in this certain way…then maybe.” Or think to myself, “Could this guy like me? Or what about that guy?”
I’d pray about it, but usually the prayers would be more whining than actual prayers that went something like:
God I want someone NOW! To be in a relationship NOW! Why has anything changed in this area of my life since like 7th grade!?!?!?! Do I have a ‘Do NOT Disturb’ sign on my forehead? I’d settle for a guy to just asking me out right now…like seriously! ANYTHING PLEASE!!! I don’t want to get married when I’m like 30+.
My prayers was never, “God, I know you got my back in this and that you say that you’re my provider…so I trust you with providing for this need in my life. However that looks, I trust and I know that it’ll be the best for me.”
This weekend at convention during the last session in worship while we were singing “He love us, oh how. He loves us, oh how. He loves us, oh how He loves,” God began to reassure me of His love and the fact that He hasn’t forgotten about me in this area of my life or any other area of my life. He reminded me that His love is sufficient and that with Him I don’t need to be searching for a love from a guy...but that He’ll fill that void in my life. But not only that, that He’ll provide for my emotional needs by giving me friendships and relationships that will sustain me and carry me through every season of my life. I stood there in worship and balled my eyes out…like crocodile tears rolling down my face, shoulders convulsing with my sniffles, the whole shebang!
It’s amazing to me how in the midst of 3,000+ people craving for God’s attention that He was so specific and intimate with me. I know that I’ll have better days with this than others, but as I shared with my students yesterday there’s power in speaking and sharing with others what God is doing in your life, I know that He’s going to take care of me. It means so much to me to have this assurance right now in my life with going on the mission field and the transitions that come with it.
